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My Academic Journey

Returning to academia after ten years away was no easy feat. For starters, most of my classmates were at least ten years younger than me, and were completely at ease with the many ways that everything at school had changed. For example the word 'Blackboard' no longer referred to that big board at the front of the classroom... which was now white... But I digress.

In all honesty, I was terrified for the first three months. Totally convinced I had no business being in graduate school and at any moment someone would figure that out, and laugh me off campus. Then, I slowly began to discover that most of my classmates felt the same way. This was comforting. As time went on, and I put more and more papers and presentations behind me, I began to feel as though... I might not get found out.

I persevered, and was delighted to find myself examining the world at a depth that I hadn't explored since I was last in university. And I was astonished to discover, that I liked it. More astonishing yet was the realisation that I had some very strong opinions. Opinions that I could back up with statistics, journal articles and the names of published scholars.

Academia was rubbing off on me. I was learning how to play the game, juggle the course-load, feel good about my assignments and get them in on time (sometimes). But was I learning? Did I I truly understand what it meant to be a social worker, and to practice community development? Yes and no.

I knew the jargon. I could name the theories and spout the concepts, but I had little to attach the ideas to in a real and tangible way. I still felt as though I really didn't know what community development was, what it looked like, how it sounded, and how exactly I would contribute to such a process.

What I needed was some practical hands-on experience. What I needed was a practicum.

But Really, What have I Learned?

In all seriousness, I have learned an immense ammount over the last two years. I honeslty think I don't actually know just how much yet as I've not had time to settle and properly integrate all that I've learned. I remember alumni of the program visiting our class during the foundation year and one woman's thoughts stuck with me; she said that it wasn't until she'd been working for about two years that she realised she was using the things she'd learned during her degree. All the theories and frameworks had fitted into place in her subconcious and she found herself using them and basing her work around them, almost subconsciously. It wasn't until that moment that she saw the value of her degree beyond the piece of paper and those three letters attached to her name.

I intend to maintain this website, and update it as I continue to learn and grow throughout my career. I beleive that documentation is important and being able to look back at where I have come from helps me to have a fuller understand of where I am now. But let me tell you about three things that I know now that I have learned from my two years spent in the
Faculty of Social Work at the University of Calgary.

Public Speaking

When I began my degree I was petrified of speaking in public. Petrified. I would have panic attacks before I had to present. I'd get up in front of the class and forget everything I had to say, my voice would waver, my face would twitch, my hands would shake so badly I couldn’t read my notes, my heart would beat so loudly that I couldn’t hear myself think, which wasn't really a problem because by that point my cognitive functioning would pretty much be in either shutdown, or flight mode.

As time went on and I put presentation after presentation behind me, I learned some skills that helped me cope. Breathing was an especially important one. Engaging my audience with activities, rather than lecturing was easier on me, and made for a much more effective presentation. Being overly prepared and confident in my material. And lastly, remembering that no matter what happens, it'll be over before I know it.

And now, two years and 19 presentations later, as I prepare to give the most important presentation of my degree, I can proudly to tell you that I am only very, very, very scared.

Writing

I consider myself a writer. For years I made a meagre living as a journalist, but when I learned that I was expected to write a 30-page literature review I balked. Academic writing was not something I was comfortable with. In my last degree most of my projects were made of clay, glass and metal. And those rarely contained a list of annotated references in APA format. But I have now successfully written two literature reviews and not only can I see their value, I can actually say with some confidence that I’m good at writing them. Thank you Dr. Ismael.

I Know Enough to Know That I Don’t Know Enough

What I have gained from this degree is a strong foundation from which to build upon. I complained a lot during my degree that I wasn’t getting the practical hands-on knowledge that I had hoped for. I see now that that would have been putting the cart before the horse. Practical hands-on knowledge without the theory and ethics to guide one’s actions can only take one so far. Incorporating the ideas of those who have gone before me ensures that I won’t need to make the same mistakes they did, and that I instead I have to chance to positively contribute to the evolution of social development work. Although, this can only take place through my commitment to continuous learning, reflection and dialogue with my peers. I realise that my education has only just begun.